the fisherman scoops up a handful of adorable fishes, but none of them is you.

sleepless. 0125. wheres the comet. h..

i celebrate 25.

if age is akin to wine, 25 would be a very good vintage year in the record books of the wine sommaliers. no doubt age (for the fortunate few) like wine gets better with time, there's always this particular year of harvest that outshines even what time can buy. i start to realise the coming of age 25 is like a lafite 1982.

i used to dread the jumping numbers when it hits july every year. but differently so this time round, i embrace it. for the first time, i am not rejecting the idea of another year's leap. it may equate to a couple more wrinkles, invite a couple more comments that we are no longer in the league of the young girls and that possibly if we were to make a fuss and cry like we did when we were 21, the police might come and bring us back to discuss about our mental stabilities. but i still celebrate 25.

 25 is a whole new ball game altogether whereby the balls are forever in your court (or at least even if its not, you can choose to 1. walk to another court or 2. buy more balls to fill your court) and not wait for your opponent relentlessly to throw the balls back. that is my mindset now i realised. gone are the days of holding on to unnecessary reservations that roadblocks our paths because having reservations about life just isnt the middle name of a 25 yr old unless we are talking abt reservations to a table at butterfactory or a hermes birkin thank you very much. gone are the days of dreaming that everything will fall in place just by dreaming....obviously they dont. dreams are just gimmicks used by heartless businessman to cheat on our money. reality is not a word derived from REAL for nothing. and even if we still are entitled to have dreams, i am pretty sure a 25 year old will make sure it turns reality.

Discovering the magic of 25 however isnt a self paved one. i have all the people around me to thank. Just like magic, they all unanimously decided that 25 shld be the age of revelations for me. maybe it wasnt about the age but they just had to feel that the timing was ripe (or right) and so coincidently it's at 25 where all my expectations of this number made sense. it's a very amazing phenomenon because so naturally and subtlely you find yourself being brought to a very private territory that has been so well buried inside everyone's heart. inhibitions are unleashed and forbidden grounds become after-dinner desserts. maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was the darkness of the countless nights that made people felt like they were just talking to their hearts. or maybe it is 25.

the life of mine at 25 might seem more messed up and complicated than before but i am never more clear about what i want and how i want it as compared to my early 20s where life may be as simple as a blank sheet of paper yet i am totally clueless about. 25 is my new 21.

 unashamed of life, absolute forthrightness. nothing to hide - that's my 25.  h...

life.

there's 1001 facades to it.

and probably 101 ways to journey through it.

sometimes we just have to take a road less travelled.

difficult. hard. pain.  but that's still life,  no? 

we can choose to speed through it so that we ignore all else happening around us.

or we can pause to capture memories that we want to remember forever.

sometimes we fall hard along that rough road. we can cry. we can shout it all out. we can take a break.

so let it be. pain can also be the greatest evidence that you have lived to the fullest.

the  silence and endurance along the ride is all a waiting for the most beautiful moment in life. i believe. i have to. h....

ms goh - already 24 yrs 9 mths and counting.

still single and still counting.

but of all my days that i've accounted for, i have never enjoyed it any better than now.

my now feels like it's at its best to appreciate and enjoy the unknown with ease.

and singlehood decorated with some impulses along the course can be even more endearing than belonging to a 2 for now.

that said, i have also been toying with some thoughts. 

choice - a matter of feelings or merits.

those childish, unrealistic feelings that i once held when i was still 17 should have been long gone with a 6 yr's grace.

i never did look back ever since. i am pretty sure. (even till the point when history decided to bump into me again 1.5 yrs back)

but these 2 weeks i seem to be back at 17 again.

i found myself strangely making more rounds at gwc every time i go over eversince hearing abt my history's appearance there.  ( just have to re-surface after a dormant 4 yrs.)

suddenly missing that bit of history that never really belonged to me. suddenly having the urge to face this unknown.

hai. useless me. what the hell.

at 24 yrs and 9 mths, i really dont need a piece of history to re-appear monthly like period to remind me of its existence but is of no use and just pain to me.

3 mths down the road, with how many more countless couples ard me getting hitched at 25 and me still blowing out my bday candles alone, it might be really time to settle for merits over feelings. (lynda...dont u thk so???)

and by then, my feelings better not come back and make a fool out of me. i dont have that many 25 yrs to spare.

.
..
...
....
.....

and so for the remaining 3 mths, i shall continue to enjoy my feelings-led-singlehood in extravagance....cheers to an uninhibited 3 mths....hahaha....h